Sabbath Lounge Father’s Day Special: Fatherly Advice and Parenting Wisdom from Jake & Matt
Welcome and Introduction
Welcome to another edition of Sabbath Lounge. This is Matt and Jake here. Jake, happy Father’s Day! I am a father. You are a father. We are all fathers—well, maybe not everyone, but if you are a father, happy Father’s Day. That is a big shout out to all the fathers today. We hope you are having a great day. We plan on presenting this on Shabbat, so hopefully you are watching it. We will try to be in the chat.
We think Father’s Day is important. It is important to be a father and important to have a father. We are thankful for our heavenly Father, who sets the greatest example of all. We want to thank you for being here. Please like, subscribe, and share. Sometimes I wonder if subscribing really helps. On some social media platforms, like TikTok, I see more content from people I do not follow. I do not understand how this works. If you know, please let me know. I think subscribing supports the channel. It would help us out. That is what we were told at the big meeting. Yes, the big meeting. I am going to adjust this mic a little bit.
Parenting Rules and Fatherly Advice
We have some parenting rules to share. Jake and I both have a set of rules we have been talking about. We are going to go through some of these and share them with you.
This is something I gave to my oldest son when he had his first child. I gave him some pro tips. I think I gave them to him before he was ready. He did not even know all the things. When they are babies, you do not know what you are doing, especially with your first child. You do it once and think you know how it works. Then the second one comes along and it is completely different.
If you find yourself angry, it is best to wait before you speak or act. That is good advice. I have violated that advice before and it usually does not work out well. This goes along with being a righteous judge. Do not let your emotions do the judging. This applies to more than just kids. In the workplace, you may manage workers or have to work with them. If you react in anger, both parties escalate quickly and things go south. That is called a toxic work environment. I have worked with people like that.
Let your children see you study the word, pray, and read to them every day. I think that is super important. I was intentional about this. I wanted my children to see me at the kitchen table with the Bible open, reading. This was even before I was a Torah person. I felt it was important for them to see me doing those things. I am a firm believer in that.
Understanding Child Behavior
It is important to learn the difference between willful disobedience and childlike behavior. Some people have a hard time with that. Kids are kids. They are going to spill things, break things, and do dumb stuff. They might accidentally hit their sister or brother with a big stick and not mean to knock them out cold. But there are times when they pick up the stick with hate in their eyes and are going for blood. You have to learn the difference between those two things. One is normal, and one is punishable. I apologized for the stitches that came from the stick incident.
There must be consequences for willful disobedience. It starts when they are young. Something has to happen. Old school says you have to spank them. I do not think it has to be that every time. Sometimes it is appropriate, and other times it is not. Each child is different. There has to be something they do not like, and it has to happen swiftly. In our case, we had specific instances where certain actions resulted in a spanking. Otherwise, it did not rise to that occasion. It depends on the child. Some kids get the message through a spanking, some do not. The Torah talks about not breaking your son’s spirit during correction. You have to see where that line is.
Sometimes the younger child sees what happens to the older one and thinks, “Note to self, do not do that.” The youngest may figure out how to be sneakier or choose different things. Be consistent. Whatever you decide to do, be consistent with it. I learned that if you do everything as a big punishment, when something really bad happens, there is nothing left to do. You have to have little things so that when there is a big thing, you can escalate. Decide what your big rocks are. For most parents, it should be things like lying or not stopping when you give a command. That is important for their safety. If they run out of the house and do not listen, that is how they get hit by a car. They have to know you mean what you say. Be consistent. That is how you get hit by a car while pulling a little red wagon. Yes, it is personal. Sabbath Lounge gets personal.
Leading in Discipline and Family Life
Take the lead in discipline. I believe the man should take on that role and that leadership aspect, but that does not mean you should not listen to your wife. Y’all were put together for a reason. Scripture shows many men who listened to their wives. Sometimes it did not work out well, sometimes it was good advice. Wise men listen to the perspective of their wife. Sometimes you need to chill out and think about what you are doing.
For us, punishment needs to come quickly when they are young so they associate it with the action. When they are older, you can wait for dad to get home to punish them. At a certain age, that is effective because they know what is coming.
Love and Affection After Discipline
Make sure you love on them after discipline. I always felt that was important. They need to understand that no matter what, you still love them. You are their father and you are proud of them. Touch is important. Some men are afraid of touching or hugging their children, thinking it will make them look weak. Real men hug. It changes things. When you have teenagers, sometimes you just hit them on the arm. It is still physical touch and shows them they are okay.
There is a lot of research about how fathers who are playful with their children—picking them up, throwing them, wrestling, roughhousing—help their children grow. Children are hardwired for this interaction. Those who have this kind of contact with their dad are more stable, successful, and confident. There is something about that which builds confidence and trust in the child. Get your bluff in on them early.
Years ago, I wrote about this in my book, Becoming Jacob. My friend David Bedford was a school teacher and later a principal. He had a good handle on this, probably from his father or grandfather. He was told if you do not have them by the time they are seven or eight, it is probably too late. They need to understand at an early age that you mean what you say and there is enforcement behind it. I have seen parents who waited until their children were teenagers and that is a problem. It is not that it is too late, but it is much harder to break the habit. When a two-year-old throws a fit, it is funny sometimes, but when a teenager does it, it is ugly.
Influential Stories and Emotional Health
There is something I wanted to say. Normy Christian Church always has a men’s retreat or man camp where you go out, shoot guns, hang out, talk about what is important, and do discipleship. I went to a few of those. One on this topic was very influential to me. This guy, a missionary, talked about this exact topic. After discipline, his father would go out to a stump in the woods with him, explain the correction, give discipline, and then love on him. They would pray together. The way he talked about that process was powerful. I do something similar with my kids.
This is not coddling them. They are going to cry and be upset. I did not try to console them, but I made sure they knew where they stood. It is like the old idea of an emotional bank account. Everyone has an emotional bank account with each other. You want to have more deposits than withdrawals. If all you do is negative and never positive, you will raise a messed up person.
Unfortunately, many people have messed up backgrounds and terrible parents. If you are listening to this and you have that background, you need to get yourself together. If you do not, you will pass on the sins of your father to the next generation. They will have the same problems you had. It is up to us to break these generational curses. Some of them we need help with, but ultimately it is our responsibility.
This concept is seen many times in the Israelites. They were supposed to take possession of the land. We have to take possession of our minds and hearts. We cannot expect our children to do that if we are a mess. That goes for moms and dads. If you do not deal with your emotional baggage, you will pass it on to your child. It is so important to correct that within yourself when you are raising children. The hard part is you might not recognize it until it is too late.
I used to tease my children, saying, “Years of therapy, you will be fine.” I did not really mean it. You have to shield them from the world’s voices. The world is screaming at the top of its lungs in their face and in their head. Do not let the world win. If you do not pay attention to what they watch, see, and listen to, you are in trouble. The world will fill up their minds.
As fathers, sometimes we think being the provider is enough. They have food, water, and clothes. That is part of it, but not the most important part. In America today, many fathers think providing means giving them the best game systems, devices, and sports teams. That is only a piece of it. There is so much more to being a father.
Raising Men and Women: A Father’s Lasting Influence
It’s vital to understand that as parents, we’re not just raising boys and girls—we’re raising future men and women. Our goal should be to help our children become independent, freethinking adults with their own faith, not just one inherited from us or their grandparents. That’s a hard and sometimes scary prayer, because their walk may look different from ours. But if they are genuine and passionate about their faith, even if they disagree with us, that’s something to be proud of.
Adversity is part of the process. Growing up with less can teach children the value of hard work and the importance of earning what they have. Life isn’t always easy, and it’s not our job to shield our children from every difficulty, but rather to equip them with the tools to solve problems and face challenges head-on. Sometimes, letting them fail and learn from their mistakes is the best lesson we can give.
Being a father means being a spiritual protector and prayer warrior for your family. Providing food, water, and shelter is important, but the spiritual legacy you leave is even greater. The research is clear: a father’s faith and engagement have a direct impact on whether children continue in that faith. Your children need to see you pray, seek Yah first, and share stories of answered prayers and divine intervention.
Be discerning about who you allow into your home and what influences you permit. Teach your children to be set apart, to seek righteousness, and to value the things that matter most. Protect your family—not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well.
The Power of a Father’s Presence
There’s a well-known story about Hallmark greeting cards and prisons. On Mother’s Day, prisoners lined up to send cards to their mothers. But on Father’s Day, no one showed up. Whether or not the story is true, the statistics back it up: there’s a direct correlation between fatherlessness and negative outcomes in life. Fathers who are present, engaged, and faithful make all the difference.
As fathers, we must lead by example, teaching our children to be holy and set apart. Pray for your children, guide them, and love them through discipline and encouragement. Make more deposits than withdrawals in their emotional bank accounts. If you come from a difficult background, do the work to break those generational cycles so your children can have a better future.
Honoring Those Who Helped Us Become Men
For me, one of the men Yah sent to help me learn to be a man was my foster dad, Alvin Moudy. His influence was a blessing on my journey, and I am grateful for the role he played in my life. If you want to read more about my story and the men who helped shape me, check out my book, “Becoming Jacob.”
Happy Father’s Day from Sabbath Lounge!
May you be encouraged, equipped, and inspired to lead your family with wisdom, strength, and love.
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